Here Comes Goodbye

Posted on: July 31, 2010 at 10:52 pm. 5 comments

Day 13 — A fictional book

The Life & Death of Charlie St. Cloud by Ben Sherwood, because it’s the one I’m currently reading.

My day was alright. I woke up at 6:30 and we were on the highway by 7:30, and got to Michigan around 11:30. I bought some awesome new slipper shoes, and a cute new dress and I spent under $10 (win), even though my dad bought them for me so technically I spent nothing. I really hope I don’t work when my parents go back to pick my sister up so that I’ll have a paycheck and I can go shopping. There was a cute pair of converse that I wanted, but I’ll have to wait and see next time.

If you’re wondering how I’m doing, just refer to the previous blog because all of that still applies. I guess I’ll just have to see what happens when David comes home tomorrow.

5 comments Tags: 30 Day Challenge, David, Family, Life, Self, Shopping.

Breathe

Posted on: July 30, 2010 at 10:34 pm. 5 comments

Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Okay. So, this isn’t exactly what ”tickles my fancy” because it’s exactly what I hate, but I’m going to post it anyways. Because David’s gone for the weekend and I can’t say it to him, and I doubt he’d listen anyways.

I hate what has happened to us. I hate that things have changed so much so fast, and I hate how it feels like it’s all my fault when NOTHING changed with me. I hate that you think you’re so mature just because you work full time; that just makes you lose out on your last summer before you start the rest of your life. I hate how you make me feel like this is all my fault for being who I am, and I hate that I felt like I could fix things if I changed. I hate that I’m the only one trying and I hate that I keep trying, when it’s just useless & painful & kills me. I hate that through everything I still love you, and I hate that I’m spending this weekend DREADING you coming home, because I know that will most likely mean the end for us. I hate that you wont even TRY to save us, when you said so many times before that you’d want to spend the rest of your life with me. I hate that I can’t even hate you for all of this, and I hate that all I want is just a hug from you. I hate that you make me feel like one of those stupid pathetic girls who is so in love with a guy who keeps treating her like shit and I hate that I know I deserve better, but you make me only want YOU. I hate that I told myself I was done crying over this, and here I am…

I hate how scared I am to lose you, and I hate how scared I am to keep going.

“I guess the worst truth you have to acknowledge is that not only can he live without you,
but that he’d rather.”

5 comments Tags: 30 Day Challenge, Bitter, David, Life, Rants, Realizations, Self, Thoughts.

I Put Your Picture Away

Posted on: July 29, 2010 at 10:19 pm. 3 comments

Day 11 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago

Boys had cooties; friends didn’t stab you in the back. Your parents didn’t yell at you nearly as often and the only thing you faught about was about how you wanted the blue crayon, but your brother/sister was using it. You didn’t have to worry about school or your job, or what college you would go to and what you’d do with your life, because it was something simple like be a vet, a firefighter or a ballerina. You had your ENTIRE life to look forward too, and you had never done anything worse than fight with your brother/sister. I miss those days, but at the same time I’m glad I’m past them. I still have my entire life, my outlook on it is just so different.

I worked again today, and it wasn’t too bad. I also realized that I didn’t mention what I’m actually doing at my job, but I thought I did. I must have mixed up my blogs with my posts on Skeletons. I’m working as a cashier at a small grocery store in my town, that’s been around since before I was. The people there are really nice, and it’s pretty easy. I’m still getting the hang of all the codes for the veggies and what not, but I think I’ll get used to it. I’ve worked 10-2 the past two days, but tomorrow I work 5-9 with my friend who basically got me the job It was pretty dead today, so for some of the day I was just cleaning the windows of the freezers because they were GROSS, and then sorting out the flyer and such.

Once I got home from work, I just kind of chilled. My back was killing me, as were my feet (though they weren’t as bad as yesterday) so hopefully I’ll get used to it soon. I’ve already basically worked more than I did all summer when I had my old job. And I just realized now that I didn’t switch my load of laundry that I put in earlier.. actually I’m not even sure if I hit start on the dyer. I’m gonna go and check that now, because I need my work clothes for tomorrow

But before I go, I’m gonna show a.. wallpaper thing that I made. I was bored, and I’ve been wanting to do something like this for awhile so I did as a practice for the design a day I’m starting (and will start on Sunday, so I’ll post the link to that then). I’m too lazy to resize, so here it is: http://img805.imageshack.us/img805/7726/vectorish.png
I’m sure none of you would ACTUALLY want to use it as a wallpaper though, as it’s a picture of David & I from prom

3 comments Tags: 30 Day Challenge, Best Friends, David, Graphics, Life, Past, Realizations, Work.

The House That Built Me

Posted on: July 28, 2010 at 11:30 pm. 7 comments

Day 10 — A photo of you taken recently

This is a picture from prom, of me and my best guy friend, Brandon. I went out for lunch with him yesterday because he’s leaving for a cottage and I wouldn’t see him for awhile, but then I ended up going out for dinner with him (and David and Jeff) tonight too so He’s been there for me through everything, and we have quite a .. different friendship than many people. He usually shows he loves me more than David does, including making more of an effort to see me before he left, unlike David who was just going to leave for a few days without seeing me because he was too ‘busy’. I did end up seeing him though, because of Brandon and the dinner.

Things aren’t better, and I don’t know if they ever will be.. but I’m giving it the last shot. If things don’t seem like they can improve after the weekend apart, then okay.. I’ll accept that & move on, but I don’t want to just give up on the last year & a half of my life, and the guy I love just because of stupid things. So we’ll see how it goes, and if it’s not better, then it’ll most likely be the end. And eventually, I’ll be okay with that and maybe better off in the end. I made him a CD before he left, and put a note in it.. though I almost cried while writting it so, whatever..

My first day of work was pretty good. It wasn’t too hard, and Marie (the lady who was training me) told my friend after that I did a god job I think I surprised her with the amount of codes I had already known, lol. Thank you Skeletons MB! I couldn’t have done it without you

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I work again tomorrow morning, so I’m gonna head to bed now as I’ve been getting up at 7 (even though I don’t start until 10) so I can have breakfast, and have a bit of internet time before. And, I’ll have to get up at 7am Saturday morning to leave for Michigan so I might as well get used to it

7 comments Tags: 30 Day Challenge, Best Friends, Brandon, David, Jobs, Life, Money, Paid, Work.